


If you dare (come a little closer)

by MagicInMe123



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: But for the purpose of this fic we're going to pretend she hasn't, F/F, I know that Camila has in fact worn long sleeves before irl, OT5, Self-Harm, be nice to yourself, camren is real and everyone should know that by now, nonAU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 14:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11579682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicInMe123/pseuds/MagicInMe123
Summary: Ever wonder why all of Camila’s stage costumes are long sleeved?





	If you dare (come a little closer)

_Ever wonder why all of Camila’s stage costumes are long sleeved?_

“Just wear one of mine.” Lauren groaned, annoyed with Camila’s seemingly selfish behavior.

“I c-can’t Lauren and I’m not going to. Drop it,” She replied icily, desperately trying to hold on to her distance ice queen façade.

By now the duo had captured the attention of the other girls. Dinah stopped going over choreography with Normani and Ally’s story died on her lips as the three of them gave their squabbling band mates their full attention.

“What’s going on?” Normani questioned cautiously.

“One of the stage hands ripped Camila’s costume and she can’t possibly go out on stage like that. I’m trying to help her and just give her my spare and she won’t put it on,” Lauren summarized, irritated.

Normani rolled her eyes, used to the constant drama surrounding Lauren and Camila ever since the older girl had panicked over some very recent not-so-doctored photos of the pair in a relatively compromising position and once again called off their relationship. The Texas native knew that it was only a matter of time before the girls got back together, they were entirely too in love not to, but she also knew that Lauren was incredibly stubborn and Camila was heartbroken and exhausted with the game Lauren continued to play with her.

“Chaunch, why can’t you just wear Lauser’s costume for tonight? We’ll get yours fixed tomorrow and we’ll bring the spares backstage for after the break and if it means that much to you, you can change. It’s just for part of the set,” Dinah reasoned, equally aware of the underlying tension.

“Because!” Camila sputtered. “I’ll look ridiculous and the fans will know that we’re wearing the same costume and god forbid the fans think Lauren and I share clothes. That’s basically code for ‘we’re fucking’ and she’s way too ashamed of me to ever want that implied.”

Lauren tensed at the shot her not-girlfriend had just taken at her and tried to reign in her anger. After all, it was entirely her fault that they weren’t together right now. She actually hadn’t spoken to the brown eyed girl at all since she’d dismissed their relationship a week prior and hadn’t planned on straying from her indifferent façade but when she’d seen Camila start to panic she couldn’t help but offer her assistance in however the other girl would accept it.

“It’s just a few songs Mila, no one is going to suspect anything,” Ally reasoned softly.

“You can borrow one of mine,” Dinah offered but the raven haired girl was already shaking her head before the Tongan finished her sentence.

“This is ridiculous, Ally’s costume will be way too small, and Dinah’s and Normani’s will be too big. Mine might be a little loose on you but we’re the closest in height. Stop being so fucking difficult and put the costume on Camila we go on stage in 10,” she spat, forcing the costume into the other girl’s small hands and stalking away.

As soon as Lauren finished her rant she wished that she could take it back. Watching the pain and humiliation flicker across the younger girl’s eyes, it occurred to Lauren that not only had she been entirely too harsh but she’d also captured the attention of most of the crew, who had just heard her scream at Camila. Deep down, the green eyed girl knew that she was just upset that Camila wasn’t really speaking to her ever since the break up, not that she expected anything less. Usually Normani was the most understanding about Lauren’s feelings toward their situation so when the chocolate eyed girl had sat her down yesterday and told her to ‘stop fucking with Camila’s feelings and the group dynamic and make up her damn mind already,’ she’d known she really fucked up this time. She was just so scared, why did she have to be _so_ terrified of more people noticing the way she looked at Camila and so paranoid that with one wrong move everyone would know and Camila was so brave an unaffected by all of it?

Time seemed to freeze; all three of the other girls looked angrily at Lauren’s retreating figure for a moment before returning their attention to the chocolate eyed girl, ready to offer her comfort after the harsh verbal lashing she’d just received.

“Mila…” Dinah started; she reached out to place a comforting hand on her shoulders but the other girl jerked away, practically sprinted into the dressing room and locked the door behind her.

Ally let out a frustrated sigh and ran a small hand through her stage-ready hair.

“I can’t believe Lauren just did that less than 9 minutes before we have to go on stage. Mila can’t possibly have a good performance tonight after that,” she vented.

“No one could,” Normani agreed, her gaze still trained on the door that Camila had slammed shut.

“Well someone has to go in there,” Dinah huffed, furious with her green eyed band mate. “I understand that Lauren was being a bitch but she can’t miss the concert altogether.”

Her two friends nodded in agreement but made no move towards the door the Cuban has disappeared behind.

The tall blonde rolled her eyes when it became apparent that she was going to have to be the one to go in there and retrieve her best friend. She shared one last look with her remaining band mates and took off after Camila.

* * *

 

Lauren stood just outside the backstage door at the venue they were preparing for, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it up; bringing it up to her lips to take deep puffs as often as her lungs would allow. She was a dead woman, most definitely. If the girls didn’t kill her for her treatment of Camila – both recently and the past few weeks - then they would most assuredly kill her for sneaking off literally minutes before they were due on stage. And if for some reason the girls didn’t murder her, management would when they found out that she’d upset the younger girl or when they realized she was nowhere to be found right before the show. The audience was too far away and too hectic for any of them to actually smell the smoke on her but the other girls, the crew, and their manager would most assuredly know. As if that wasn’t enough, if she somehow survived her bandmates and their management, the guilt of knowing how deeply she’d cut Camila would swallow her whole. It wasn’t as if the black haired beauty didn’t realize how exhausting she was becoming, how shattering it must be for Camila’s self-esteem to have a secret girlfriend who dumps her every time things get to serious.

“Fuck I’m such an idiot,” Lauren murmured between puffs of smoke. Camila may be in love with her, but the taller girl knew that if she didn’t get her shit together that could change and she would 100% deserve it.

With one last dramatic sigh, she dropped her cigarette to the ground and stepped on it to extinguish the remaining flame. As she snuck back in through the door she’d exited, she made a promise to resolve things with the brunette as soon as the concert was over and pray that she wasn’t too late.

“Where the _fuck_ have you been Lauren? You are due to be on stage, singing and dancing in literally 3 minutes,” her manager ranted. “Seriously you’re so irresponsible and this cannot happen again. Now go join the other girls and get on your mark, we’ll talk about it after.”

Too stunned by her verbal lashing to do anything else, the green eyed girl obeyed the order and quickly walked over to the xs where she found the other girls, with the exception of Camila, staring her down as she approached. The only pair of eyes she wanted on her refused to meet her gaze.

She observed the younger girl’s hunched over posture and uncomfortable shifting. In the end, she appeared to be wearing Lauren’s costume with what appeared to be a skin-tight underarmour long-sleeved black shirt. It didn’t look horribly out of place, but the fans would of course recognize that it wasn’t Camila’s costume. The shirt would not stop anybody from recognizing that it was Lauren’s though, so she was unsure of its purpose; she made a mental note to ask if she ever got Camila on speaking terms with her again.

Ally wrinkled her nose in disgust at the thick smell of smoke that clung to the 21 year old and invaded all their senses.

“Hey,” Ally called softly, addressing all her girls. “Whatever just happened? Forget about it. The last hour didn’t exist. We’re going to go out there and be ourselves and have fun and put on an amazing show for the fans who love us.” She gently squeezed Lauren’s hand with her left and Normani’s with her right.

The other girls smiled appreciatively at her. Things were beyond tense but Ally was always there to be a mediator, even if one of the girls didn’t deserve to have one.

The stage hand to their left started to count them down as the introduction played on the big screen and the fans’ screaming got even louder. The roar of the crowd was something that always calmed Camila down but today it wasn’t doing much for her. 

* * *

 

The show went off without as much as a hitch. Camila was positive she was going to get all kinds of comments social media about wearing Lauren’s costume from the Camren shippers and opinions of all kinds about the long sleeved addition she’d made. The skin tight material clung to every last inch of her skin, causing her to feel claustrophobic and sweaty. The second they wished the fans goodbye and thanked them for being an amazing crowd, the young Cuban bolted like a bat out of hell back to her dressing room. Lauren, out of the corner of her eye, saw her bandmate take off with a panicked look on her face and decided that there was no time like the present to start making amends.

“Camz, wait!” The green-eyed girl called as she took off to her the other girl through, what she guessed, was an oncoming panic attack.

In her haste to finally be in the privacy of her own room without a million pairs of eyes on her, Camila forgot to lock the door behind her. She didn’t give it a second thought as she knew that she could be out of this costume and into casual wear before the rest of the girls made their way back here to fine her. She frantically pulled at the stretchy fabric of the costume as air become more and more of luxury to her. The singer breathed a heavy sigh of relief when she was freed of the skimpy costume but the tightness in her chest would not ease until she got rid of the constricting shirt as well. She quickly pulled it over her head and took a seat on the couch that resided in the room. As her therapist had taught her, she tucker her head between her legs and tried to breathe slowly and calm her racing thoughts.

Just as she’d started to get her breathing under control, the door burst open to reveal her slightly disheveled ex-girlfriend.

“Hey are you alright? I saw after the show that you looked-“Lauren’s breath caught in her throat as Camila uncurled herself from the ball she’d tightly wrapped herself in. Her eyes drifted from her beautiful yet tear-stained face down to mutilated tan arms and the older girl felt her heart shatter like glass.

“Camila…” Lauren trailed off, not believing her eyes. She closed the door behind her gently and slowly crossed the room. The singer reached out to press her hand to the cuts, as if to prove to herself that they were really there but she was met by the terrified eyes of a trapped animal and a skittish flinch away from the contact.

“Don’t touch me,” Camila hissed, obviously displeased with the other girl’s decision to go after her.

Fury, devastation, shock and guilt all fought for dominance inside of Lauren. How could she be so _stupid_ and _insensitive_ and _self-absorbed_. She should not have missed this. There were so many signs. So fucking many. Camila only wanting to have sex in the dark, or wanting to keep her top on ‘in case anyone walked in on them.’ Her girlfriend’s lack of wanting to take showers together when she offered or how she never wanted to go to the beach anymore when they visited their families in Miami.

 God Lauren was disgusted with herself. Not only had she overlooked Camila’s clearly deteriorating mental and emotional health, but she’d contributed to the girl’s instability with her indecisiveness about their relationship. Granted, the older Cuban was never confused about whether or not she wanted to be with Camila, she was just so fucking scared of someone finding out about them and slapping a label on her forever. The breaks ups, ironically, never had anything to do with Camila.

She hadn’t actually thought it was possible for her to feel guiltier about mistreating the younger girl who had always been there for her and forgiven her, just moments before she was expected to go out on stage and perform. And yet she did. The Miami native knew she’d been out of line when she insulted Camila in front of everyone and yelled at her over something trivial but now that she knew the reason why her not-girlfriend had acted the way she did, Lauren wanted to curl up in a ditch and wallow in self-loathing.

“Just get the fuck out Lauren. I don’t want to do this with you,” Camila snapped, forcing the older girl out of her trance.

“Camila…I – I don’t even know what to say,” Lauren began, advancing toward her slowly.

“You don’t need to say anything at all. I actually think you’ve said enough for one day, don’t you?” she drawled, determined not to let how deeply the other girl’s words had stung her earlier.

“Camz please, don’t be like this. I know I deserve it. Believe me; I _know_ that I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m asking for it anyway.”

“Why? Because now that you know I’m a freak who cuts herself you feel guilty?” she laughed bitterly. “Jesus Lo, if I’d known all I had to do to get you to stay was this, maybe I’d have told you about it a while ago.

The words hit Lauren like a physical blow. She tried to answer the other girl but her throat felt like she was chocking on rocks and her tongue felt like sandpaper on the roof of her mouth. How did this happen? How did she allow this to happen? This could not be the same goofy, innocent, kindhearted girl that was just happy to be singing she’d met years ago.

“Camila I love you. You know that,” Lauren pleaded with the girl to understand. “This isn’t about guilt. The thought of you in pain makes me sick to my stomach but knowing that you did this to yourself partly because of how I made you feel? I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that.”

Tears began to fill up her striking green eyes and Camila had to look away to prevent her resolve from crumbling right then and there. She couldn’t let Lauren in. Not again, she wasn’t sure how many more times she could do this with the slightly taller girl before it sucked every last bit of life out of her.

“Just go Lauren!” Camila shouted, the panic she’d been trying to dispel had risen up again and was attacked her at full force.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on!” she yelled back. If Camila thought she could push her away after this she had another thing coming.

Both girls jumped in surprised as the door burst open; clearly their screaming match had captured the attention of someone on the outside.

“What’s going on in here?”

 **Hi I’m still trash for Camren. There will definitely be a part 2, possibly even a part 3 idk. I sorta know where I’m going with this but if you have any suggestions I’m definitely open to them! Thanks for reading I love you all.**  

 


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